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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26435869">okay but, i still think i'm faking it</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cheeseliquor/pseuds/Cheeseliquor'>Cheeseliquor</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>IDOLiSH7 (Video Game)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Anxiety, Anxiety Disorder, Depression, M/M, Suicidal Thoughts</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-09-13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-09-14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-18 07:33:30</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>898</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26435869</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cheeseliquor/pseuds/Cheeseliquor</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>sogo starts taking antidepressants</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Ousaka Sougo/Yotsuba Tamaki</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>41</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"Okay but, I still think I'm faking it."</p><p>"So-chan." Tamaki ran a hand over his forehead, his fingers carding through Sogo's hair. "You're sick. That's the end of it."</p><p>"But how do I know if I didn't just...make it all up in my head-"</p><p>Tamaki sighed.</p><p>For a month then, Sogo had been acting strange. He'd been starving himself every day, only waking up at 2am to binge whatever was left in the kitchen fridge. He wouldn't touch any of the food that was provided on sets or by Mitsuki. Tamaki even tried offering him king pudding once- it had taken a great deal of bravery and sacrifice- but even that had been rejected.</p><p>Gradually things had worsened to the point where Tamaki woke up in the middle of the night to the sound of Sogo running outside. But he couldn't even run- his steps were stuttered, and in moments he was clutching his knees, gasping for air that his lungs couldn't get enough of. Running was always what helped Sogo clear his thoughts, and he couldn't even do that anymore. When Tamaki went downstairs to see him, there were tears streaming from his eyes, and he was sobbing, <em>I can't do this, I can't do this, I can't live anymore. </em>Sogo's words had shocked Tamaki out of any comforting words he could possibly think of.</p><p>Presently, Tamaki moved up from the floor to Sogo's bed, and nudged him aside a little so they could lie together. He held Sogo's hand in his, feeling the small tremors that wracked him. </p><p>"It's a difficult time for you, So-chan. You need to stop hurting yourself with these thoughts."</p><p>"But I- I'm fine? I have you, the rest of Idolish, the manager, by my side. How could I feel like this?"</p><p>"Didn't your psychiatrist say, you've had this for a long time now?"</p><p>Five years ago, when Sogo had been a mere child, he'd gone to a psychiatric clinic because he sometimes cried in class for no apparent reason. He'd been bullied for it, which made it worse, to the point where his parents started seeing bruises on his arms. But after the death of his uncle, his self-harm stopped, and he'd never gone back for his scheduled appointments. </p><p>Sogo curled into Tamaki's warmth. He yawned, for the dozenth time that hour. </p><p>"The medication is making you feel better, isn't it?" Tamaki asked.</p><p>"Mm. I mean, I still have thoughts..of failing this and that...embarrassing myself over something or someone...but it's like, I don't react so strongly to them anymore. Everything just feels...hazy, in a good way."</p><p>"Then that's enough for now. You don't need to think about the past or the future, just focus on what you have right now, okay? And I'll be by your side."</p><p>Sogo nodded. It wasn't much longer before he fell asleep.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The breaking point had been a Tuesday night. When Sogo knocked on Tamaki's door, sobbing and gasping, saying the craziest things Tamaki had ever heard. That he wanted to die- that he'd never gone a year of his life without wanting to- that he wished he was strong enough not to fear pain and finality. Tamaki had listened to all his desperate cries, rendered to complete silence by his own shock. He didn't know what to do- he couldn't leave Sogo either to look for help. </p><p>Several quick voice messages later, Yamato entered the room with a glass of water and a pill in hand. "It'll make him drowsy," he said, and Sogo had taken it and sobbed some more, completely oblivious to Yamato's presence. Then, in Tamaki's arms, he finally fell asleep. </p><p>In the morning, Sogo seemed to remember all too clearly all the things he'd said the night before, and he knelt on the floor of Yamato's room, apologizing for all the inconvenience he'd caused. </p><p>"Sogo-san, you need to go to a hospital and get yourself checked out."</p><p>"Ah, no, I think I'll be fine- I truly am sorry for last night, but..."</p><p>"Sogo."</p><p>Yamato held his shoulders. The movement startled Sogo, who always respected the distance between them as elder and younger members of the group. </p><p>"You are definitely not okay. I've been hearing you cry literally every night. To be honest, it's been waking me up at night- I'm a light sleeper, that's why I had melatonin on hand to sedate you last night. But that's not going to be enough for your condition."</p><p>"Tamaki has been coming to me too, asking about what he should do, and we both know you don't like to appear- vulnerable- in front of others, so we haven't told anyone else."</p><p>Sogo chewed on his bottom lip. He was trembling all over again. "But I'm fine- when I'm not...like that, I'm fine."</p><p>"But the problem is, you are like that, at least a couple times a day. I can't stand seeing you in pain, and I'm sure Tamaki feels the same. Look, I'll accompany you to the hospital, okay? You don't have to tell me anything about what's going on, just tell the doctor."</p><p>Several back and forths of this nature were batted around between the two. In the end, as Tamaki woke up and joined their discussion, Sogo caved in to the pressure. A light cardigan shrouding his narrow form, he allowed himself to be brought away.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>these pills really make me sleepy..</p></blockquote></div></div>
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